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Archive for October, 2008

Happiness does not always come easily for every one, it is something that requires conscious effort to attain, and you have to actively seek out happiness it does not just drop into your lap. But it is definitely worth pursuing because achieving happiness is in fact the ultimate achievement in these times when life can be so hectic, stressful and every day we are seeing more and more things to be unhappy about.

The good news is that if you are willing to put in a little effort you can have all the happiness in life that you deserve and you will soon understand that it was worth the effort and that you made the right decision when you realise how differently you feel. Happiness is a personal choice and you can make it work for you so that you are able to live a joyous balanced and abundant life.

After all what is life without happiness? I would say that it is meaningless and far more painful than it needs to be. So how do you go about bringing lasting happiness into your life? First you need to set goals so that you fully understand what it is that you really want and then you have to figure out a way to get there. You need to make your life so special so that you are filled with the joy of living each and every day. Setting goals can also give you the motivation to move forward and commit to making positive changes in your life.

Another thing to remember is that the best place to live is in the present. Do your best to forget the past and do not waste time worrying about the future. If you live your life in the present you will never miss a moment of pleasure. So often you hear people say, “oh I wish I had of paid more attention to…” when ever someone says those words understand that that person is not living in the present, they are either in the past or the future that is why they missed what ever event it was and most often they are lamenting because it is something that they will never be able to get back, it is gone forever because of their lack of focus on the moment.

Of course there are times when you must think of your future to make sure that you are making the right choices and also make plans to bring some fun to your life, so visiting the future from time to time is healthy and necessary but you do not need to live there.

Being able to keep the negative things, people and influences out of your life is also important. It will not be easy to do because we are constantly being bombarded with negative information from the media and the Internet, but you can limit your time with these negative forces, limit the time you spend watching news channels, do not buy the newspaper every day or tune your radio to an easy listening station. I know that you believe you will be out of touch if you do not buy a paper everyday but I beg to differ.

The amount of media that surrounds us each day it is almost impossible not to know what is going on, so if you make a conscious decision to turn off the TV at news time once in a while you will still be able to remain currant without risking saturation. If you are actively seeking happiness it is imperative to keep the negative things out of your life.

A healthy lifestyle is also helpful if you are to stay happy and healthy. Try eat the right way and to think about the choices that you make for your body. Keep the negative things out of your body so that you are able to be emotionally and physically happy as well.

Finally try to maintain good feelings within; keeping these good feelings in your mind enables you to give to others. Feel the emotions of being happy be pleasant to others and smile; you will be surprised just how much a few extra smiles a day can change how you’re feeling. Helping other people to feel good about themselves is also a great booster, try to bring joy to others and keep thinking good thoughts. Do not let negative forces pull you down and definitely do not intentionally bring others down.

The more pleasant you are the happier you will feel, you will begin to see more and more things to be happy about and your joy will soon begin affecting those around you also and before you realise it you will have created a happy harmonious and balanced life.

About the Author:
Carol King is a life coach and founder of Missing Ingredient Coaching. If you are struggling to apply the Law of Attraction to your life, let Coach Carol direct you to a life of lasting happiness and prosperity that you deserve. Visit Coach Carol’s blog http://missingingredientcoaching.blogspot.com

Keyword tags: law of attraction coaching, personal development, personal growth, self help, self awarness,

Do you know what you really want? Whenever I ask this question to someone, the reply is incorrect most of the time. What I have realized is, they don’t say “what they want”, but they say “what they think they want”. The most common reply I have heard is “I want to make a lot of money”. But when I ask them how much they want to make, they are never able to quantify the amount. This is precisely why they never end up achieving their goal – because they themselves don’t know what it really is! If you really want to succeed in achieving your goal, you need to know what you “really want”.

At one time I was so fed up of this reply, I decided to push the discussion and see where it goes. So when one Mr X replied that he wanted to make a lot of money, I asked him how much, but he didn’t know. So I asked him what he wanted to do with the money. Turns out, he wanted to buy a 2008 Ferrari F430 Coupe, so that he can show it off to his friends and make heads turn when he’d drive around town! So I asked him if his goal was to probably earn about $200k (the approximate cost of the Ferrari) and he agreed with me. I then went on to ask him if he has considered the maintenance costs, insurance costs and fuel costs. He hadn’t thought of that and he added a few grand to his goal. I then asked him if he has considered having some cool accessories for such a nice car, and he hadn’t! So he again marked up his goal. I then decided to let him work on it himself, so I told him to think and make a list of any other costs associated with the car that he could envisage. He thought for about 15 minutes but couldn’t come up with anything.

I then told him that there were 2 very important things he was not considering. The first was the life style cost. What is a life style cost? He had never heard of this before, so I went on to explain him with an example – let’s say you’re driving around town in your spanking new Ferrari and you’re feeling hungry. So will you turn into a McDonald’s for a burger, or will you consider a luxurious one where the rich and famous hangout? After all, you’re driving a Ferrari, right? You can’t be cheap! I went on to explain him that his attire must also include brands like Prada, Berluti, Brioni, Giorgio Armani, Rolex, etc.

I then asked him if he has considered the taxes he would be paying first, before he could spend the money. Boy, was he shocked! He needed to reverse calculate the amount after taxes, so he had to add the tax amount to arrive at his goal! He finally decided to reconsider his goal.

This little example will help you when you decide to make goals. But before you start off on your goal setting spree, do consider the S-M-A-R-T principle.

SMART means: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound.

Specific: Your goal should state the expected outcome very clearly. Try to be as specific as you can about your goal, like how much, for whom, etc.

Measurable: Your goal should be measurable, else how will you know when you’ve reached it? It could be on a scale (like 1 to 10), percentage, etc.

Achievable: When creating your goals, make sure that they’re achievable. It’s good to aim high but don’t push it to an unachievable point. Consider your current situation, resources and time availability.

Realistic: You need to face some facts – it will not be easy to overtake your competitors who have bigger and better resources at their disposal. Concentrate on reducing the gap, step by step.

Time Bound: A goal doesn’t hold value unless it isn’t time bound. Have an end date for each of your goals.

You should certainly consider all 5 of these principles, to increase your chances in achieving your goal. If the goal is materialistic, make a list of all the things that you want, with the cost to acquire it. Then simply add it all up and you will know that your goal is to make an x amount of money.

Closing Tips: At any given time, do not try to achieve too many goals. Three or four should be enough so that you can give focused attention. Don’t go beyond six or seven. Also remember to categorize your goals into short term, medium term and long term.

I hope you found this article useful. If you’re really serious in learning more about this subject, I urge you to visit http://www.bharatbhasha.com/self_improvement.php where we cover this in more detail. It is a free content site, so do drop in!

About the Author:
Nirjara Rustom moderates the self improvement tips section of http://www.bharatbhasha.com at http://www.bharatbhasha.com/self_improvement.php. The content here is free to read, so do check it out.

Keyword tags: self improvement,self help,goal planning,goal realization

As social beings, our desire for connection is a deep and powerful force within us. Babies who do not experience connection with a caregiver do not thrive or may even die. Deep connection with another is one of the greatest joys in life.

Yet for many people, this deep and joyous connection eludes them. Try as they might, they cannot seem to find the connected experience that they so deeply desire.

There is a very good reason for this.

Many of us were brought up to distrust our own feelings and experiences. I was consistently programmed to disconnect from and discount my inner feelings, experiences, and inner knowing. Instead, I was taught to trust an external source – my parents – to define what was right or wrong for me, good or bad for me. The more I learned to disconnect from my feelings and my inner knowing, the more I disconnected from my authentic Self and sought connection from outside myself.

I tried to connect with my husband through being whatever I thought he wanted me to be, and he tried to connect with me by trying to have control over getting me to be what he wanted me to be. We were a perfect pair! No wonder our deep connection with each other rarely lasted for more than a few minutes at a time!

The problem is that can cannot authentically connect with another unless we are connected with our authentic selves. If we are not defining ourselves from within, then we consistently attempt to define ourselves eternally, by doing whatever we can to have control over getting love, approval, attention, sex, agreement, and so on. We confuse true connection with the momentary good feeling that comes from getting what we want from another. We think that relating to another from the wounded ego part of ourselves and getting what we want to feel externally validated is connection. It is not.

Connection with another is a mutual experience of sharing our authentic selves with each other and each receiving caring, understanding, and support – the mutual feeling of being received and cherished for who we each really are. It is truly one of the highest experiences in life. But this wonderful experience is not possible unless we are both able to share as our authentic selves. It is only when we are deeply connected with our own feelings, our own thoughts, and our own inner knowing/spiritual guidance that we can authentically share ourselves.

Sharing our wounded ego selves is sharing who we have created ourselves to be to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. There is no reality, no truth, no authenticity to our ego wounded self. Authentic connection is not possible from an inauthentic part of ourselves. No matter how much you may want the joy of authentic connection with your partner or others, it cannot occur until you authentically connect with yourself.

The practice of Inner Bonding is a powerful way of healing the ego wounded self and discovering your authentic self. These transformational 6 Steps start with practicing noticing your feelings with compassion rather than with judgment. As you learn to embrace your feelings rather than avoid them, you can choose to take responsibility for causing them or for nurturing them. You can move into a deep intent to learn about what self-judgments and erroneous beliefs may be causing your painful feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, guilt, shame, anxiety or depression. You can learn how to open to learning with the highest part of yourself – your Higher Self – who is filled with love and wisdom. You can learn from your Higher Self to define yourself rather than to look to others to define you. You can learn to take loving action in your own behalf. And, finally, you can learn to share your authentic love, caring and understanding with your loved ones.

If you want a deep and joyous connection with your loved ones, then first learn to create that deep and joyous connection with your Self.

About the Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. FREE Inner Bonding course at: http://www.innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available. mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com.

Keyword tags: relationships, relationship help, relationship advice, self help, connection, spirituality, ego, love, Inner Bonding, Margaret Paul